Friday, June 13, 2008

Noch zu Entscheiden

I've spent the last week in Berlin, getting myself into various sorts of adventures. Adventures that when I woke up in the morning I thought would give me some sort of direction, have only given me a hangover.

I walk the streets here and think, "Do I want to return?" and "Is this the place for me?" It's such a difficult question because even though I already made a home here and then left, it still feels like home when I return. The most moments I feel this way are on the train, with my music (in the moment still Hot Chip) and staring out the window to the passing cement walls. What is the thing to do? I don't know right now and don't know if I will know until I am packing/unpacking boxes in Berlin...or continuing to live in Chicago.

I'm hoping some sort of angelic spark comes through the heavens, strikes me on the head and gives me the answers to my nomadic tendencies.

I have written vaguely about this lust to return, but then again is it an actual want (need)? Or, my incessant drive to constantly change my surroundings and situations. Even though it's like the blind leading the blind (mainly, me leading myself) it's completely difficult for me to make an educated decision. I ask myself, if I have the chance shouldn't I take it?

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