In approximately one hour and fifteen minutes Christmas will be over.
This year Christmas has been completely strange. Ever since I bought my first gift, it's like this huge hole began to form. With each purchase it just got larger, and yesterday, at the family's house I thought, "One of these years I'm going to skip Christmas. I'm getting a plane ticket to someplace warm and Christmas Day will be spent on the beach." No presents for anyone, no driving out to my hometown, no feeling like crap after too many cookies and definitely, definitely no need to worry about the weather.
I've never been a big Christmas person. When I think of Christmas as a child, all I can remember is being carted around to three different Christmases at varying locations and never really having those kind of memories that others seem to hold so dear. I never did the big wake up in the morning with breakfast and presents. It was more like wake up in the morning and making choices about where I wanted to go, without hurting a parent's feelings. It's never going to be the same as when you were five years old, and that expensive gift is not going to bring it back I fear. But yet, each year the masses are sucked into this vortex of shopping and (false) sentiment, and the actual reason that Christmas is celebrated seems to get pushed to the side like the old ladys when the Black Friday Wal-Mart doors open.
I enjoy finding just the right thing for someone when it's done out of love - not obligation. My worst (or best) habit is buying presents for people during the year with no particular occasion in mind. I have presents sitting here for those who I don't know will ever get them, and I don't know if I should give them - wondering if it's really, truly worth it. You can't say "I'm so happy you are in my life" with a damn gift basket.
This is by no means a rant on Christmas as a holiday, just my personal experience and frustration that I wish I could fix. It makes me sad, and I hate sitting home on Christmas Day feeling sad.
Maybe next year will be better. Maybe.
This year Christmas has been completely strange. Ever since I bought my first gift, it's like this huge hole began to form. With each purchase it just got larger, and yesterday, at the family's house I thought, "One of these years I'm going to skip Christmas. I'm getting a plane ticket to someplace warm and Christmas Day will be spent on the beach." No presents for anyone, no driving out to my hometown, no feeling like crap after too many cookies and definitely, definitely no need to worry about the weather.
I've never been a big Christmas person. When I think of Christmas as a child, all I can remember is being carted around to three different Christmases at varying locations and never really having those kind of memories that others seem to hold so dear. I never did the big wake up in the morning with breakfast and presents. It was more like wake up in the morning and making choices about where I wanted to go, without hurting a parent's feelings. It's never going to be the same as when you were five years old, and that expensive gift is not going to bring it back I fear. But yet, each year the masses are sucked into this vortex of shopping and (false) sentiment, and the actual reason that Christmas is celebrated seems to get pushed to the side like the old ladys when the Black Friday Wal-Mart doors open.
I enjoy finding just the right thing for someone when it's done out of love - not obligation. My worst (or best) habit is buying presents for people during the year with no particular occasion in mind. I have presents sitting here for those who I don't know will ever get them, and I don't know if I should give them - wondering if it's really, truly worth it. You can't say "I'm so happy you are in my life" with a damn gift basket.
This is by no means a rant on Christmas as a holiday, just my personal experience and frustration that I wish I could fix. It makes me sad, and I hate sitting home on Christmas Day feeling sad.
Maybe next year will be better. Maybe.
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